


Dear Alexander

by stupidnephilimlove



Series: ShHiatus Bingo Prompts (Team Red) [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Epistolary, LGBTQ Themes, Letters, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidnephilimlove/pseuds/stupidnephilimlove
Summary: Alec receives a series of letters from fellow shadowhunters thanking him, telling him their stories, or just saying how they gave him hope. (features LGBTQIA+ themes)Bingo Square:EpistolaryTeam Red





	Dear Alexander

The first letter arrived on an ordinary Tuesday. Alec had already dealt with three misdemeanours, a stack of reports, and their morning briefing. He sat down to go through his mail and selected the letter on the top of the pile. The envelope was plain, simple, pretty nondescript, but its contents were anything but.

 

_Dear Mr Lightwood? Alexander? Alec?_

_Sorry, I’m not sure how to address this. I’m not sure why I’m even writing this, but…_

_You don’t know me, and we’ve never met in person, and we probably never will. I just needed to say thank you. I know you probably chose to be open about your sexuality for_ **_you_ ** _, but I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the magnitude of that decision when it comes to others like us. The magnitude it had when it comes to me._

_I haven’t had the courage to stand up and say I’m gay, and honestly I don’t really think I ever will, I’ve lived too much of my life to start to make changes now, you know. The difference is, that now I feel like I have that choice, and that’s empowering._

_Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect at this institute for anyone that’s out, but now we have someone to look up to who made it, and I think that’s a pretty solid start._

_M_

 

Alec read the letter three times before he could actually believe its contents. A part of him thought that by choosing Magnus, choosing what he wanted, he was being selfish. But this, this had him thinking about things so differently.

He wasn’t sure what to do with it though, just slid it in his top drawer and when someone made an offhand comment about him or Magnus or their relationship, he just took it out and read it.

Izzy was the first person he showed it to. She’d gotten a little teary-eyed, given him that ‘I’m so proud of you’ look, that made him shift under her gaze.

When he came to work the next morning there was another crisp white letter on his desk, and he knew Isabelle’s elegant handwriting anywhere. Intrigued, he sat and opened it.

 

_Alec._

_I hope you know how proud of you I am, big brother. I’ve always been a big believer in you finding happiness, and I worried, for a long time, that you wouldn’t. But you’re happier now than I think I’ve ever seen you and that’s not just because of Magnus. It’s because you’re no longer holding a part of yourself back, you’re showing the clave, the world, the real you. The you I always saw._

_I guess I’ve never really discussed this with you, and I’m not entirely sure why, but I’ve identified as Pansexual for as long as I can remember. I just... have always felt like I was capable of falling in love with all genders. Love is love, why does it matter what gender it comes attached to?_

_I never denied myself the opportunity of pursuing my relationships, but I was never as free with that information around the institute. But you, Alec, you’ve shown me what I always thought was possible. That you can be yourself and still be respected._

_I don’t think you realise what an inspiration you are, and if I know you - which I do - if you knew it, you’d feel the need to carry the weight of that. Please don’t._

_All my love_

_Izzy_

 

Alec was speechless. There was this tightness in his chest, this pressure behind his eyes, but he pushed the tears back. _You’d feel the need to carry the weight of that._ He traced his fingers over those words. Didn’t he have an obligation to do just that? He’d never thought about it before, but he was in a position to change things, he had that power. Shouldn’t he do something more?

He placed the letter with the first in his top drawer and stewed on the idea a while longer. He wasn’t sure what else _he_ could do.

 

_A.L._

_I hope this letter finds you well. Isabelle tells me you’re getting fan mail, and I have to say I’m not surprised. From the moment you broke off your engagement you’ve been all the news here in Idris, dating a downworlder, and none other than Magnus Bane. The scandal!_

_Though I joke, I hope you’re happy with your choices, and I hope you’re happy with Magnus. What little I saw of you when I was last in New York gave me the belief that you are…_

 

Alec read Aline’s tales of the other scandals happening in Idris, of the families that still feuded, and the chaos following everything that had happened with Valentine. But the last paragraph made him pause.

 

... _I see a change happening. Tiny ripples that you’ve set off, echoing through our mostly bigoted world. And I have the hope that the next generation of shadowhunters don’t have to suffer the way we did, don’t have to be filled with fear, or grow up hating a part of themselves. It’s not easy, but I see more people standing up for who they are and who they love, and I don’t think it’s something the clave will be able to sweep under the rug._

_A.P._

 

Could he imagine a world like that? How different his childhood might have been if he hadn’t had to fundamentally question and hide who he was.

He’d strived to be the perfect shadowhunter, to train, to follow the mission because he was so terrified someone would look at him and just know. He couldn’t be what they classed as ‘perfect’ in that regards, he could never be with a woman, but he could excel in every other area they valued. He’d been so caught up in all of that, in the politics and the games the clave constantly played, that he’d even considered marrying.

Alec thought of Lydia fondly, they still kept in touch, and he was happy she was doing well. But he realised now, that they never would’ve been happy together.

Alec shook his head. He couldn’t change that and he wouldn’t be the person he was today without those experiences.

He reached for some paper to write Aline back, and he wasn’t sure why, but when he was done he didn’t place this letter with the rest of hers. Instead, he slipped it into the top drawer.

 

Alec had no idea how, but that first letter started something. At least once a week there’d be a neat, new envelope on his desk.

 

_Mr Lightwood._

_This is unconventional, to say the least, but I decided to write you anyway._

_Let me begin by explaining a little about myself. I come from a generation of shadowhunters where being gay is not only frowned upon, but unacceptable. I married because there was no other option. It was what was expected of me. My wife and I have been married for twenty-five years, and we have become the best of friends. She gave me three beautiful daughters, that I could never have dared to hope to have. All in all, my life has been a blessed one - how many shadowhunters have made it to 49 relatively unscathed._

_But my life has not truly been my own._

_I have always been open and honest with my children, raised them with the belief that it is people’s actions and behaviour that matter, and that love in any form is still love. I was, however, downhearted when my youngest daughter told me she was bisexual. Not because I couldn’t accept that, or her. That would make me a hypocrite. No, I was sorry for her, that she would have to struggle in life the same way I did._

_But I have hope, and you have given me that. That my daughter’s life will be her own. That she will be able to love openly and freely._

_So I thank you, Mr Lightwood, for having the strength to fight for what you believed in. For showing me it was possible._

_-_

_To Alexander Lightwood._

_I’m not sure how to start this, other than to say thank you. I’m sure you don’t need or expect thanks, but I would like to give it anyway. I grew up in a very traditional shadowhunter family, and I never felt like I fit in. When I got the guts to tell my parents that I liked girls, that I was gay, they made it clear that it was not a possibility. It was difficult enough being accepted as a woman, but to be accepted as a lesbian as well - I didn’t think it would be possible._

_My father told me that I had to choose, between my family and my sexuality because what female shadowhunter had a respected position_ **_and_ ** _a girlfriend. And now I get to say Alexander Lightwood. Well, not that you’re female or have a girlfriend, but you get my point._

_I have someone that I can say to them, look, they did it, so why can’t I._

_-_

_To Mr Lightwood._

_I have been dating a downworlder in secret for ten years, and I am humbled that they have loved me enough to stick with me through it all. I aspire to one day be able to be open with my relationship. The work you have done for downworlder rights has made me believe this can happen_ **_now_ ** _, rather than sometime in the future. And that both terrifies and thrills me._

_I can’t begin to understand what you have been through, I have only my own experiences to fall back on, but if we are anything alike I know it will have been a struggle to get to where you are today. That struggle will always be worth it if it means we do not have to treat the ones we love as if they don’t even exist._

_-_

_Dear Mister Lightwood._

_You gave me a voice when I felt like there was none, and for that, I will be forever grateful._

 

The letters continued to grow, a stack in the top drawer of Alec’s desk. When he had his moments of doubt. When he questioned if this struggle against the clave was worth it, he’d take them out and read them again to remind himself that he wasn’t just fighting for his own happiness anymore.


End file.
